Thursday, April 20, 1899
GETTING INSURED
Old Bob conceived the idea of having his life insured.
“How much do you weigh?” asked the examining physician.
“I weighs about fifteen pounds more than my wife does.”
“Well, how much does she weigh?”
“I done forgot but she is a whopper, lemme tell you.”
“How tall are you?’
“Who – me?”
“Yes, you.”
“Lemme see. Does you know Abe Sevier what worked for old man Plummer?’
“No.”
“Well, I’m sorry, for I ain’t quite as tall as he is.”
The doctor, after weighing old Bob and measuring his height asked, “How old are you?”
“Who – me?”
“Yes, of course, you. You are being examined.
“Well, lemme see. My birthday comes in July, an now what I wants to get at is how many Julys I can recollect. Ain’t that the point?”
“Yes.”
“Well, lemme see. Blame if I knows. Suppose you make it August instead of July.”
“What difference would that make?”
“I don’t know, but it’s just as easy.”
“I’ll put you down at fifty.”
“Put who down at fifty?”
“You, of course. How old is your father?”
“Bout a hundred and ten.”
“You don’t tell me so?”
“Yes, I does.”
“Is he in good health?”
“Oh, no sir, he’s in the grave.”
“I thought you said he is 110.”
“He is. You didn’t ask me how old he was when he died.”
“Well, how old was he when he died?
“Bout forty.”
“Had he enjoyed good health?”
“Oh, yes, sir; he the healthiest man you ever seen.”
“Did he have a lingering disease?”
“What sorta disease?”
“Was he sick very long?”
“Oh, no sir. He dropped off mighty sudden.”
“Heart disease?”
“No, sir.”
“Did the doctors attend him?”
“No, sir.”
“Well, what did they say was the matter with him?”
“They didn’t say much o’ nothin’. One of em climbed up an put his ear agin the old man and said that he was dead enough to be cut down. Then the sheriff cut him down and put him in a box. I don’t think he had heart disease. I think he had some sorter trouble with his neck.”
“Look here, I don’t believe that you want your life insured.”
“I don’t believe I do, sir, since you’re gonna pry into a man’s family history.”
~ The Arkansas Traveler
