by Joe Miller
The ad sits squarely at the intersection of two nerdy things. The device is a wearable computer, one that presumably allows you to make use of all sorts of different software. I do make my living working on the internet, so it makes some sense that Facebook’s algorithm would try to sell me a computer.
The copy in the ad is a clear reference to the “Lord of the Rings,” a set of books that I first read (twice!) during Christmas break of my seventh grade year and have re-read at least a dozen times since.
I should be the exact target for this ad.
There is also no way that I would ever purchase this device, becausem – unlike the person who wrote this ad – I actually understood the book I read.
A bit of background, in case you’ve never read the books – or seen the (really good) film adaptation, or the (much less good) Amazon prequel. The entire book series is about the attempt to destroy the One Ring, a powerful artifact that was forged by the dark lord, Sauron, who planned to use it to enslave all the good people of Middle Earth.
Sauron actually created a bunch of magic rings, and gave some of them to dwarves, some to elves and some to humans. He then created a single ring that would give him power over anyone wearing the lesser rings.
J.R.R. Tolkien, the books’ author, wrote a neat little poem about the rings. The verse concludes with the
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor, where the Shadows lie.
Sauron is the bad guy. The One Ring is evil. The heroes have to destroy the ring because it corrupts anyone who wears it.
This isn’t a subtle point. It’s literally the plot of the series!
And yet this ad is trying to convince me to go put on the One Ring.
Sadly, this isn’t an isolated case. There’s an entire subculture of Silicon Valley tech bros who both really like “The Lord of the Rings” and also somehow completely fail to understand anything they’ve read.
The biggest offender may be Peter Thiel, the billionaire investor and co-founder of PayPal.
Thiel founded a surveillance company, which engages in massive amounts of data mining to compile pretty detailed information about ordinary citizens. The company then sells this data to government agencies, which can use the information to monitor citizens in ways that would normally require a warrant.
Thiel named the company Palantir Technologies.
The Palantir are a set of “seeing stones” from, yes, The Lord of the Rings. There are three that show up in the books. Sauron has one. The others are held by Sauraman the wizard and Denethor, the ruler of Gondor.
Sauraman’s use of the stone leads him to betray his allies and side with Sauron. Denethor is driven mad by his use of the stone. He sets himself on fire and attempts to burn his son alive, as well.
Once again, the message is not subtle. The Palantir corrupt everyone who uses them.
And yet Thiel sells software named for stones, that corrupt their users, to the United States government.
It’s not Thiel’s only misreading of the books.
In a recent interview with the Atlantic, Thiel points out that the main difference between Tolkien’s elves and his humans is that the latter are mortal. “Why can’t we be elves?” Thiel asks.
Tolkien’s stories are full of humans who ask that same question. They are all villains.
The greatest city of humans was destroyed, most of its residents killed and scattered when its armies attempted to seize the undying lands of the elves. The gods of Middle Earth literally broke the planet to prevent humans from making the attempt again.
There’s an even more famous set of humans who grasp at immortality. Nine of humanity’s great kings are offered magic rings that will extend their lives indefinitely. They are the Nazgul, the black riders who hunt our heroes and slaughter the soldiers of Gondor and Rohan.
Again, these aren’t subtle bits of subtext. They’re basic plot points, right there in the text.
Thiel isn’t the richest guy misinterpreting The Lord of the Rings. That honor belongs to Elon Musk, who recently posted to X.com that Tolkien’s peaceful hobbits are able to live their lives only because “they were protected by the hard men of Gondor.”
That is…not what happens.
Gondor’s army does march on Mordor, but they do not hope to win the day through force of arms. Indeed, the army’s leaders freely acknowledge that they cannot possibly win. Their aim is to provide a distraction, in the hope that two hobbits can sneak into Mordor and destroy the One Ring, thereby breaking Sauron’s power.
The hobbits are saved not by the hard men of Gondor, but by two of their own. Again, this is not a subtle point. It was perfectly obvious as a middle schooler on my first read through.
I mostly hold to the view that readers determine the meaning of a text. You take away from a book what you take away and it’s fine if your interpretation differs from mine.
But there are limits.
Your takeaways should at least be consistent with the set of things that happen in the text.
At a bare minimum, it’s probably best if you don’t deliberately model yourself after the villains.
joe.miller@fountaindigitalconsulting.com
