Laura Dean Bennett
Staff Writer
The joy of being a grandparent can turn to anguish when concern for the health and safety of the grandchildren requires them to assume the role of parenting those children.
Families across the country have been increasingly fractured by a combination of daunting forces, causing a dramatic uptick in temporary – sometimes even permanent – revocation of parental authority due to abuse and neglect.
In these cases, courts usually favor placing children with relatives – often grandparents.
Certainly, the roughly 30-year epidemic of opioid and substance abuse has taken a terrible toll on families, bringing with it all the woes attendant with addiction – fractured marriages and relationships, economic difficulties, incarceration, abuse and neglect.
Whether you’re a relatively young grandparent – with energy, resources and good health – or an older grandparent with health issues and living on an already tight budget, taking on the responsibility of raising one’s grandchildren is not for the faint of heart.
Research indicates American grandparents are spending billions of dollars raising their grandchildren, draining retirement savings and even going back to work to make ends meet.
In addition to the not inconsiderable financial component, there are physical, mental and emotional challenges facing grandparents who find themselves back in the role of primary caregiver in the modern world.
It can also, in many cases, involve the legal system, as grandparents seek to navigate a complicated labyrinth of fraught issues.
This truly is not an undertaking for the faint of heart.
Fortunately, the love for their family and devotion to the wellbeing of their grandchildren has enabled many grandparents across the country to step up to the challenge.
Unfortunately, the need for them to do so continues apace.
The Annie E. Casey Foundation reports that as of 2024, more than 2.4 million American children are living with grandparents or other relatives.
In West Virginia there are more than 35,000 children being raised by their grandparents.
And that figure reflects only the documented cases. There are probably thousands more cases that go undocumented, as the grand- parents heading up many “grandfamilies” are afraid of coming forward for fear the state might take the children away.
Education and advice about complicated foster care and adoption requirements is one of the many pieces of assistance offered by a new program being offered to West Virginia’s grandfamilies.
A collaboration between the West Virginia State University Extension Service and the WVSU Department of Social Work has created the Healthy Grandfamilies Program.
This template was offered to family advocates and community organizations throughout the state, such as the Pocahontas County Family Resource Network.
“This is an issue facing so many families these days,” FRN program director Becky Campbell said.
“Thank God for grandparents who are willing and able to step into these situations and take care of their grandchildren until their parents can resume parenting,” she added.
The Healthy Grandfamilies program features a series of facilitated discussion groups to address topics of interest to grandparents raising grandchildren.
The topics include legal issues, social media, parenting, communication, nutrition, health and self-care, stress management, public school programs/policies and family response to addiction.
And it also provides up to six months of support and advocacy services.
As the local coordinating the Pocahontas County Family Resource Network inaugurated the Pocahontas County Grandfamilies Program this past July.
In September, they proudly announced the first graduate of the program, Mrs. Lori Jordan.
Campbell presented a plaque to Jordan to mark the occasion.
“This program is a lifesaver,” Jordan said with a smile as she accepted the plaque.
Lori and Chris Jordan live in Buckeye, in a home built for the two of them by Chris himself.
The couple’s life took a dramatic turn when, in December 2016, it became clear that they had a granddaughter in need of their help.
They assumed parenting responsibilities for the two-month-old child, who continued to live with them until she was six years old, when she was returned to the custody of her parents.
Subsequently, four more of their grandchildren – ranging from 15 months to 18 years of age – came to live with the Jordans.
There were a lot of adjustments to be made by the middle-aged couple to accommodate their “instant family.”
“For one thing, Chris had to add onto the house,” Jordan said.
“We had to do a lot of rearranging to give the children the space they needed. Chris had to build a staircase and add two bedrooms upstairs.”
And that was the easy part.
“Our lives were literally turned upside down, Jordan said.
“No matter how much you love your grandchildren, you can’t just snap your fingers and become parents again.
“There were so many emotional issues we didn’t anticipate. Lots of things we didn’t understand. Lots of frustration and tearful conversations.
“So many times we just didn’t know where to turn,” she admitted.
“It wasn’t easy. It created a lot of stress in our marriage.
“It’s been rough but thank God we got through it. At the end of the day, it’s been so worth it.
“We knew where the kids were and that they were safe and being well cared for. That gives you a lot of peace of mind,” Jordan explained.
“The Grandfamilies Program has been a big help to Chris and me and to our kids.
“I’d encourage any grandparent who could use some support in raising their grandkids to get in touch with the FRN,” she added.
Campbell is thrilled that the FRN is able to offer the assistance.
“We’re glad to provide support and coordinate community resources for the many grandparents in Pocahontas County who, for one reason or another, are raising their grandchildren,” Campbell said.
The FRN offers basic family supplies and sometimes even financial support.
“We were able to supply the Jordan family with several basic needs – beds and bedding, clothes, school supplies, diapers and wipes.
“The only thing we had to say ‘no’ to was paying for car insurance for their teenage grandchildren,” Campbell laughed.
“It’s been such a great thing to have this help – and we really needed it,” Jordan agreed.
And now Jordan is paying it forward.
“Lori’s been a great help in recruiting new families and has really stepped up to the plate to help other grandparents in the program. She’s even offered to go with them when they’ve needed to go to court,” Campbell said.
Besides being educational, the program offers monthly meetings to discuss issues, solutions and to provide support for each other.
“You just can’t believe how much it means to get folks like us – people who are raising grandchildren – to get together and just talk. You know, listen to each other and support each other,” Jordan stated.
The program details state foster care requirements and points grandparents to the legal aid that is available to them as they struggle to meet the requirements.
It also identifies the CPS help that’s available as grandparents wrestle with onerous paperwork, as well as the valuable counseling that’s available for themselves and their grandchildren.
“The counseling really helped the kids a lot,” Jordan said.
The FRN Grandfamilies program coordinates the assistance offered by the many dedicated community partner organizations who are coming together to provide a safety net for grandfamilies.
There’s practical advice about tutoring, mentoring, healthcare, emotional counseling and help for social problems, childcare and expenses related to raising children.
“We’re reaching out through the schools to let grandfamilies know that help’s available,” Campbell said.
“This is absolutely not about taking your grandchildren away. We’re about helping you to be a healthier, happier family,” she insisted.
“We do all we can to make being part of the program easy. Dates and times of meetings can be flexible – according to the needs of the families.”
Campbell explained that, so far, the program’s grandfamilies have been Marlinton-based.
“But we hope to add families from elsewhere in the county.
“We’d eventually like to offer participating grandparents transportation via the MTA bus system,” Campbell explained.
Jordan expressed how raising their grandchildren has affected her and her husband.
“It brought us really close to the children,” she said.
“It’s not easy. Sometimes there are tears – okay – there are lots of tears,” Jordan admitted.
“But if you love your grandchildren, you do what’s best for them.”
When asked about advice she’d give grandparents facing this situation, Jordan said:
“I’d say, if you’re able to do it physically, mentally, emotionally and financially, raising your grandchildren is tough but it can be rewarding.
“Sometimes it seems like there’s never enough to go around – money, food, time, energy, patience,” Jordan laughed.
But there’s one thing that grandparents always have in abundance – and that’s love.
“And that’s what it takes to make this work. Lots and lots of love.”
Grandparents in need of advice about assuming parental responsibility for or assistance with raising grandchildren are invited to reach out to the Pocahontas County FRN.
FRN program director, Becky Campbell invites anyone with any questions about the Grandfamilies Program to contact the FRN.
“Our Grandfamilies Program is for you,” she said.
“You’re the heroes in your grandchildren’s’ lives and you deserve to get some help with the tremendous job you’re taking on.
“FRN stands for Family Resource Network. Our mission has always been and always be to help Pocahontas County families,” Campbell insisted.
“Please let us help you.”
The Pocahontas County FRN is located at their new address: 614 Second Avenue in Marlinton. Their phone number is 304-799-6847.
